Dangerously Beautiful

Hello Ladies, I’d like to introduce you to the return of the dark ages:

I’ve heard of keeping the P on lock, but this is ridiculous.

Forget-me-not panties are the latest in spy (under)ware.

Advertised to both frightened parents and paranoid boyfriends (let’s not leave out girls with girlfriends)- these panty-trackers are made to find out what the vagina you want to keep in check is up to- whenever & wherever.

They can monitor both location and temperature. You’ve got to read the testimonials to really get a sense of the lameness desperation which these panties can comfort.

“When my daughter hit puberty I nearly had a heart attack. She started looking like a woman and suddenly she was wearing revealing clothing and staying out late with her friends.

They work wonderfully. My wife and I bought our Sarah several pairs so we can watch her around the clock, and if we see her temperature rising too high, we intervene by calling her cellphone or just picking her up wherever she is. My only comment is it would be great to have a video camera, maybe you can work that into V.2.”

All that free time traveling and you didn’t even have to punch 88 in your Delorean.

Parents: Trust in your good parenting and accept your child’s decisions.

Lovers: If you gotta do all this, she was never your’s. Let It Go.